a harry potter au where potions is taught by gordon ramsay
"YOUR DRAUGHT OF LIVING DEATH COULDN’T KILL A FRUIT FLY"
"YOU PUT SO MUCH GINGER IN THAT POTION IT TASTES LIKE A WEASLEY"
"IF I WANTED A MOUTH FULL OF FLOBBERWORM I’D HAVE SHAGGED YOUR FATHER"
"NOT EVEN HARRY POTTER COULD SURVIVE INGESTING THIS SHIT"
"YOUR CAULDRON LOOKS LIKE ONE OF FLITWICK’S SEX TOYS AFTER HE’S DONE WITH IT"
"MERLIN WOULD HAVE BANISHED THAT TO THE EIGHTH CIRCLE OF HELL"
"WHAT IN CIRCE’S NAME DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU MIXING IN THAT CHAMBER POT?"
"CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’VE DISCOVERED A WAY TO KILL HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED!"
I would literally throw last year’s version of myself down a set of stairs
i would literally throw yesterday’s version of myself down a set of stairs
I would literally throw myself down a set of stairs right now but I’m too busy eating chocolate ice cream
walk up in the club like “wow drag culture is more respected in queer circles than being a trans woman, i wish we could respect the lives of a subset of women more than we gawk over a game of dress up”
Nothing will fuck up your twenties more than thinking you’re supposed to have your shit together.